Yes, we all as humans have an innate sense of self, because society has trained us to care what other people think.
We should work hard, preferably in a 9 - 5 job, eat healthily and exercise often because gluttony is unattractive. We shouldn’t get drunk because it’s trashy, but invest time in a thematic Instagram feed so it looks like we have more friends, not to mention wear clothes that blend in and filter the words that come out of our mouths so we sound cool and funny but also intelligent.
We must smile often, be kind, and definitely, never, ever... behave foolishly.
The rules are endless and hard to remember. So when I sat next to my new friend (who I’d introduced myself to five minutes prior after an awkward twenty minutes of standing at an event alone), ate six croissants, pulled off my heeled boots because my feet were sore and showed off my Hulk socks. Not to mention teased him for being ‘head office’ and self-important, while divulging how much I loved free food, I probably should have known I was breaking the rules.
This lovely chap turned out to be the CEO of the company whose event I was sat at, and whose food I was shovelling into my mouth.
Awkward? Yes. Very. Sitting in the theatre listening to him address hundreds of people ten minutes after I was sat wiping crumbs off my dress in front of him was painful. I went red, sunk into my seat and prayed for the world to swallow me up.
The second I left the theatre however, the embarrassment was replaced by an abundance of laughter. I mean the simple likeliness of such events made the whole thing quite hilarious. At least I made an impression.
What society fails to tell you, is that self-awareness is for suckers. The truth is, everybody else is so concerned with what they’re doing, nobody is actually taking any notice of you. Take that news as you wish but "letting go", if only for a moment, means you’ll have so much more fun. Yes, it may result in some very awkward moments, but it also creates some hilarious stories for you to divulge to those who read your blog on the morning commute... Hi Mum!
I am certainly someone who cares, I’m often self-conscious about my skin and worry that I said something stupid to people I don’t know very well. Then I remind myself that I don’t owe anyone anything, the only person I owe something to is me, and I owe myself the chance to sing loudly and out of tune even when in company.
When I walk to work with my headphones in I often sing without realising, yes everyone around me can hear what they think is a cat dying, but in my head I’m Beyonce (in her fourth album). I dance in nightclubs the way I dance in my bedroom, I always make conversations with strangers because despite London being inherently anti-social, conversations with strangers are always more interesting than conversations with yourself.
I wear marvel socks to work, I sleep with my mouth open on the train, I say what comes into my head, even if it's stupid and immature, and when I get drunk I turn into a four year old.
Sometimes, when I’ve really let go of my inhibitions, I buy a gift box of chocolates and sit and eat the entire contents on the train home… while wearing my gym gear. Yes I’ll be thinking that everyone around me is judging, but chocolate tastes too good to put away.
So wear the funky dress that you’re worried others will judge you for, because guess what? They’re probably more concerned with what their wearing to notice its bright orange and looks like your grandmother’s curtains.
Besides, nothing builds character like embarrassing yourself.
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| Me smashing a piñata on my 18th birthday... a clear demonstration of how to drink responsibly! |
